Thursday, October 8, 2020

Near Death Experience

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Getting your lisence, wow, what an exciting event! An event so exciting you can feel the caterpillars blossom into butterflies right inside your stomach. Adrenaline and anxiety really bubbles when someone is getting ready to get that poweful piece of plastic that allows them to drive. They get so anxious that they can barely stand it. Well, like those people, I guess I had an anxiety attack at the age of three and ended up going for a little drive.


It was my mother, my five year old brother, and myself, who was a toddler at the time, and we were running errands that afternoon. The cadillac must have been running low on the special juice, because my mother stopped at a gas station to refill. The scheming began as soon as she stepped out of the vehicle. My brother and I were trying the best we could to convince one another to drive the giant hot wheel. He must have done most of the convincing because before I knew it I was slyly slipping my fragile, skeleton of a body out of my car seat. I did a somersault over the front seat and found myself gripping the giant stearing wheel. Magically the car started itself and went into drive, because I was suddenly driving Miss Daisy. I mean I was now driving two babies.


Starting to pick up momentum, the massive boat began to take out one car after another. Even after dented metal, shattered windshields and crushed plastic, the car was still rolling. I didn't want to stop for the world! I paniced and somersaulted back over the seat, did a judo flip, and landed back into my car seat. Five totalled cars later, whiplash, and the car still rolling, suddenly people saw what the battleship had done. I looked out the window with a look of death and to my surprise saw Supermom! Supermom was my mother, and she was now throwing her momentum, her giant, eight month pregnant stomach, to catch up to the evil villain. She caught up to the caddy and brought the possessed vehicle to its final hault just before rolling on a super busy interstate.


Cars, and especially Cadillacs are deadly machines. They are even more deadly when an infant is driving one. And driving one unsupervised at that. So we as people must be careful what we are doing in every aspect of our day. Death comes to us all, sometimes we escape it, and sometimes it nabs us by the collar. So be careful the next time your getting gas, or picking up a gallon of milk. You never know when a three year old might be roaring at you in Mom's Cadillac.


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